FOR THE GUYS: Why you need to jump into a boudoir session with your lady
Does the idea of doing a session with your wife make you nauseated, give you the sweats, or make you all around uncomfortable? You’re not alone. I hear so many women say they would LOVE to do a couple’s session with their husbands, but that he would never get in front of the camera. I personally find that devastating, but I understand. I’m a wife to one of those husbands myself! There are a lot of great, impactful things coming out of the body positivity movement...but I cannot help but feel like men are getting a little left behind. Where women are (sadly) used to comparing themselves to Victoria’s Secret lingerie models, guys have their own version of an unattainable standard as well. Calvin Klein underwear models come to mind, with their 3493204 abs and stone-chiseled jawlines. Where women feel down on themselves for not having the perkiest boobs or fullest lips, men have just as many features to compare themselves to, but the difference is...hardly anyone is talking about it, compared to the same issues with women.
My hope is that as the body positivity movement evolves, men will start to feel their insecurities are just as valid and acknowledged. As a feminist, I feel it's important to acknowledge that men have just as much a need to celebrate different body types as women do. I’d even venture to say that, right now, they kind of need it even more than women do. It might just be in my own personal experience, but it seems to me that a lot of guys are a lot more resistant to change...even if that change can help them in the long run. Role models seem to hold the most weight amongst men, so I hope to see more leaders pave the way towards celebrating male vulnerability. I know of a few photographers who specialize in this genre particularly, and they’re doing amazing things. SO. With ALL of that being said, I want to CHALLENGE any gentleman who has hung around long enough to read this far to BE THAT ROLE MODEL, for your sons, your brothers, your friends, and YOURSELF. As a general rule, most humans don't particularly like to go against or ahead of the crowd, but those that do could pave the way for a whole new kind humanness amongst BOTH sexes. So if your wife asks you if you’d consider joining her for a couple’s session, give it some thought about WHY it is that having that intimacy captured might make you nervous or uncomfortable. If it’s because you feel like guys aren’t allowed to feel confident about themselves, or enjoy having photos taken, or feel vulnerable...well, you could be the guy that did it anyway, and proved all those beliefs in society wrong. Plus, who knows? It could be fun! To help calm your nerves a bit, I've compiled a short list of FAQ's I get from guys about doing a couples session: 1. But what if I get a B-O-N-E-R ? Ok, might as well get this one out of the way. So most guys bring up this question jokingly, but I know it is actually a genuine concern for some guys! It can feel embarrassing and inappropriate, so I get the concern. Here's my answer: Erections are a natural thing, and nothing to be embarrassed about. After all, I will absolutely be directing you to grab some boob and butt and get kissy and lovey, so it's honestly, bound to happen. Feel free to take a moment to yourself to help you relax and get back in the game. No worries.
2. But I SERIOUSLY don't know what to do with my hands. Dude, when I'm in front of the camera, neither do I! I am by NO means a professional model, so I provide the kind of direction I personally need as well. So that means I will tell you (and show you), "Put your left hand against the wall, like this. Now stand here, and with your right hand, caress her neck and lean in for a kiss." - stuff like that. HOWEVER, even though I absolutely am a bossy bish in that studio, I will still ask that you bring your A-GAME. I want you to FLIRT with your partner like it's your job, and have FUN with it. My job will be to capture the sexy, sweet, light, and heavy moments while the two of you connect! 3. I don't know what to wear/bring No worries, I have an EXTENSIVE preparation guide geared towards couples AND dudes, all laid out in my Queendom App. Yeah, its a girly AF app, to be completely honest, but your partner will love that you downloaded it and are getting excited about the experience with them!
4. I want this for her, not for me
You, sir, are a gentleman. That is very sweet that you want your partner to have such an important and amazing experience all to herself, and I do think she deserves that, BUT your partnership is important too. One of the most amazing aspects of this experience is you're left with some gorgeous, tangible pieces of art that you can look back on for years to come. Imagine pulling your album out on your 50th anniversary and reliving those moments together. Say you're not a romantic all you want, I know that's something you BOTH would absolutely cherish.
5. I'm really reserved/shy and don't do well with PDA Again, I will direct you the wholeeee time, so as long as you follow my directions, you will be absolutely fine. The funny thing is, you'll be so focused on my direction, that before you know it the nerves have disappeared and we're joking and goofing around the studio like we've been friends for as long as you can remember. There's no pressure to be anything other than yourself. Your connection with your partner will take care of the rest! That pretty much covers the basics! I hope this post helps you feel empowered to consider jumping into a session with your lady because you deserve to see yourself as the sexy AF human you are. Ready to pull the trigger? Download the Queendom App to book now!